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Not Allowed Until Wedding

You said, 'Sorry, but you can't do it until our wedding!
Sorry, but you have no chance to do it until our wedding,
After our wedding, you will be allowed, you will be allowed,
After our wedding, you will be allowed, you will be allowed,
But you can't do it until our wedding!'
 
I said, 'After a wedding, everyone does it,
After our wedding, of course, we will do it like others,
But I want to do it until our wedding, until our wedding,
But I want to do it until our wedding, until our wedding,
Today and now.'
 
You said, 'No offense, but you can't do it until our wedding!',
That you were terribly sorry, but I couldn't do it until our wedding,
But after that, I could do it on a sofa, night stand, or in the bath,
On the beach, in a car, behind a curtain in a shop,
But until our wedding - no way!
 
I said to you that our wedding might never happen,
Without it, our wedding might never happen,
But, with it, I would surely marry you, I would surely marry you,
If we did it, our wedding would happen,
And without it we might never get married.
 
But you answered, that you wouldn't let yourself be fooled,
That you definitely were going to avoid being fooled again that time,
You said, 'You all need it until a wedding, until a wedding,
Oh, yeah, until a wedding, you all need it very urgently,
But, after it, I have always had neither any of you, nor a wedding.
 
Believe me, I've experienced such cases, lots of such cases,
Please, understand, I've experienced that a hundred times.'
 
I asked, 'Why is this happening to me?
Why has this system failure happened to me?
Why has your time-tested system, long-running system,
System perfectly working with a large number of boyfriends
Suddenly has a failure with me, not with any of your previous men?'
 
You said, 'You are not like everybody else,
You are really different, and not like everybody else,
They were just for sex, crazy sex,
Wild sex, passionate sex,
But you are not like everybody else.'
 
I said, 'Well, then I will go to Maryna,
She had a wedding last year,
I can do it after her wedding, I can do it after her wedding,
I've been allowed to do it with Maryna until and after her wedding,
Okay, I have to go now.
 
With her, I can do it on a sofa, night stand, or in the bath,
On the beach, in a car, behind a curtain in a shop,
Well, good bye!'
 

A woman steps on the scales

A woman steps on the scales, has taken off her clothes,
Jewelry and underwear, nursing hope.
But it doesn't save the woman from frustration,
The devise shows her a three-digit number.
 
Chorus:
“Oh my scales, scales, scales, what are you doing?
Why do you, electronic scales, stir my soul?
Oh my scales, scales, scales, by the fear of God!
Oh, one hundred kilos (1) is too much for me!”
 
The woman sit at the scales crying,
And wipes her tears with her red pants.
“I'm a stupid one and it's my own fault.
My addiction to food has turned my body into a shape like a pig.”
 
Chorus:
“Oh food, food, food, food, food, food, food,
I don't want it anymore and at the same time I do.
Oh I'm stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
There is my hot body deep inside of me.
 
Oh scales, scales, scales, burn in hell!
I can't endure this live any longer, go and drown myself!”
 
The woman is standing on the bridge, looking into the water.
She wishes to drop into the water all excess “protein, fat and carbohydrate” (2)
The woman's brain cries suddenly : “Stop! Don't!”
But at this moment the bridge breaks because of the overweight
And the women has drowned.
 
Chorus:
Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble, woe and tragedy
There was a flood on this day in Voronezh . 3
 
The woman cried out in her sleep, opened her eyes,
And stepped on the scales in the dawn silence.
The woman looks at the scale plate and can hardly believe her happiness.
There is the two-digit number on it, ninety-nine!
 
Chorus:
Oh my scales, scales, scales, I'm so happy!
I'm not too fat and haven't lost my beauty.
Oh scales, scales, scales, thanks for being it!
Still, I should eat after my nightmare.
 

• 3.

So, how come?

Versions: #2
Everything my country has, it has oil, it has gas
It has nickel and coal it has, aluminium is countless.
It has it all: diamonds, emeralds, topaz and gold,
So, how come, the country is full of gold, but the folks eat *bugger all,
So, how come, the country has all it needs, but the people live in shit.
 
Everything my country has, it has grain and meat it has
It has salmon and sturgeon, in it caviar by the tones.
It has veggies, plenty fruits, and our dairy products are so good.
So, how come, the produce exist, but the the folks have nothing to eat?
So, how come, the country has all it needs, but the people live in shit.
 
Everything my country has, lot's of governors it has.
It has mayors, their deputes, and every deputy have own deputes.
FSB and MVD, and in the bushes GIBDD, and the guys from Forbes rich list, they all living overseas.
Generals, deputats, communists and democrats,
So, how come, they still exist, and so much for them to eat?
In our country they live so sweet, where people live in shit.
 
All the people live in shit, but the shit lives so sweet.
 

My Appeal to Shareholders of JSC Gazprom

1. Dear shareholders of JSC Gazprom,
It would be a great pleasure to meet you,
I am Semyon Slepakov, just call me Semyon,
You even may call me every name you like:
Victor, Gennady, Akaky1, Yegorka2,
The most important thing that it would be comfortable for us,
Okay, now I turn to the subject,
I want to tell you all about my problem:
In short, my situation is so:
Somehow, I am tired of working,
I know you will pay attention to my words,
Because who can understand them except you?
Generally, I tell you honestly and straight:
I have seen your advertising on TV,
And it very convincingly says
That all dreams come true together with Gazprom,
Gazprom always fulfills its obligations,
You all are the bright proof of that,
Seeing your facial expressions,
I guess that your dreams have come true!
Eventually, I am impressed by your bright example,
So I would like to be a shareholder like you,
I do not need a large astronomical sum of money,
Please, give me at least one little percent,
Only one percent... It matters nothing for us,
It's just a small number... of nine digits,
You're so rich that you can even wipe your asses with cash,
But someone has only a budget gap.
 
The Chorus:
 
I don't wanna be an engineer,
I don't wanna be a combine driver,
I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom,
I don't wanna be a land-surveyor,
I don't wanna be a fashion designer,
I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom.
 
2. I promise I will live in a small way
Like an ordinary employee of Gazprom,
I won't throw big money around like a fool,
I will spend my money carefully, I won’t stand out,
I’ll buy a Swiss watch made of gold,
Well, it's for being like y’all, so I won’t stand out,
There will be 10-15 diamonds on my watch,
Another way, I'll immediately start to stand out,
Also, I’ll buy a little Mercedes C-class
For being like Gazprom’s faceless mass,
I don't need nor a Maybach neither even an AMG,
I’d like just a humble C-class, for my soul,
Also, I’ll build three cottages on Rublyovka3,
Well, it’s for keeping traditions of Gazprom,
Personally, I would have enough only two houses,
But I should obey our esprit de corps!
I’ll buy a Bentley with red and blue car interior for my wife
(Like cars which your security guards gift to their wives)
And a ring with a 20 carat diamond,
Because she also wants to not stand out,
I’ll buy a Ferrari for my son, he’s already 17-years old,
Well, my boy mustn’t stand out in the MGIMO4,
I’ll buy myself a yacht of 30 meters length
So I’ll be able to blend in with your crowd,
Honoring our modest corporate customs,
I’ll celebrate my birthday in Nice,
I’ll invite Britney Spears and Madonna for singing,
So I won’t be the black sheep in the company.
 
The Chorus:
 
I don't wanna be a millionaire,
I don't wanna be a billionaire,
I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom,
I don't wanna be the Mayor of Moscow,
The President5, and even The Prime Minister6,
I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom.
 
3. My dear and lovely shareholders,
I beg you to start speedy action
To allow me to join to your magic JSC,
Despite my plea is a little sudden,
I hope you will favourably consider it,
Because the gas selling by Gazprom is our common,
But only you have your dreams come true.
 
The Chorus:
 
I don’t wanna be a policeman
And even a chief of a dermatovenereological dispensary,
I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom,
I don’t wanna be Pierre Narcisse7,
I don’t wanna be a man with a large dick,
I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom,
I don’t wanna be a poacher,
I don’t wanna be a gondolier,
I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom,
I don’t wanna be a drug courier,
I don’t wanna be a just courier,
I wanna be a shareholder of JSC Gazprom.
 

• 1. Akaky is Greek men’s name translated as “a person who doesn’t make anything angry”. Now, in Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine, this name is considered obsolete and it isn’t used for a long time.
• 2. Yegorka is a little children pet name of Yegor in Russian.
• 3. Rublyovka is the unofficial name of the territory in the West side of Moscow along the Rublevo-Uspenskoe, 1st and 2nd Uspenskoe, and Podushkinskoye highways. This area is famous for the fact that many Russian famous and rich people (businessmen, politicians, show business stars, artists, etc.) live here. The land of this area is the most expensive in the Moscow region.
• 4. MGIMO (rus. МГИМО) is Russian abbreviation of the Moscow State University of Foreign Affaires.
• 5. Dmitry Medvedev is meant here.
• 6. Vladimir Putin is meant here.
• 7. Pierre Narcisse is Russian pop-singer: