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Translation

The questionable circus


I'm the acrobat distracted by music
who stumbles and falls,
[I am] the hiccoughing sword swallower whose [swords] go down the wrong way,
I am the missing clown
that no one will take seriously,
I am the Christmas night wish that Jesus forgets:
He does not remember it!
 
I am the harlequin patched up tent with a1 patched dress,
I am my mother's caresses while I laugh at my first Ring a Ring o' Roses,
But2 I wouldn't change this miracle circus for anything in the world
while I put on makeup and prepare for the show:
perfection is a fake and makes you crazy
while this — on the other hand — is the circus of who-fucking-cares.
 
​[I am:] the trapeze artist who doesn't fly,
the fakir being afraid of needles,
the only child dressed as 'nothing' at the carnival party,
I am the orchestral player tearing up the score and playing by heart:
and this circus is the merrymaking for both the last day of school and conscription3
and when you feel that joy in your throat that can't wait
I'm back here with my old boys
I'm left doing this questionable circus.
 
I4 have no sense of the passing of time, [as]
I feel like I'm always standing still on a stage
With all the things ready and around me ready:
Furnishing objects, paintings, people, feelings, colours
And, in fact, it has always been like this:
Since my announcement of my existence,
Time has... it has stopped, it has frozen, [as]
I have the impression that it's always the same day, [that]
I've always been in a theatre
[Holding] a megaphone in my hand, shouting, [and] being a charlatan,
A clown, a public safety commissioner, [or] an [army] general.
And sometimes
Memories of these last forty years are always here [with me],
I have always been surrounded by darkness and by light:
Darkness above and light [all] around [me].
Then, a set of shadows to be arranged
[are] moving around.
It seems to me that my life has been, has been consumed,
It's still wearing out,
Within this picture.

 
  • 1. lit. 'the'
  • 2. lit. 'And'
  • 3. lit. 'military service'
  • 4. This an excerpt from one of the last interviews to Federico Fellini.




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